We have a new library in St. Louis. It's quite amazing - lots of places to sit quietly, places to collaborate and a place I just explored yesterday - a vibrant kids' area. As I noodled aroud the nooks and crannies and watched kids and their parents moving about, I noticed how quiet it was. I was kind of surprised by that, actually. I generally expect places with lots of kids to be loud and chaotic - and it was not.
As I usually do when I'm out and about, I wondered what makes the difference. What makes the difference between calm, regulated and enriching places for kids and those that are tense and overly stimulating? There are lots of factors, of course, but one thing I noticed was that the parents and staff were modeling calm. The adults were using low voices, moving slowly, sitting quietly. In fact, there seemed to be an unspoken agreement from these mostly moms that they would together create this space of safety and community. And the children followed suit.
How would we parent differently if we moved about in these types of spaces? If we could master our own nervous systems? If we didn't worry so much about what other people thought? If we felt that even strangers had our backs? Maybe we'd be more present and attuned with our children. And maybe the job of parenting would feel a bit more peaceful.
Until, of course, the kids bolted to the elevator so they could be first to push the button.
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