BySTANDer
STANDING BY A CAREGIVER WHO IS STRUGGLING
What to Do When a Parent or Caregiver is Struggling in Public
If you've seen a parent hitting, slapping, yelling at, or struggling with their child in public, you're not alone. And you can help.
Whether you saw a caregiver swat their child at the grocery store, heard harsh words at the playground, or watched a family overwhelmed at the airport, you may have wondered if or how to intervene.
When you see a parent or caregiver struggling with a child in public, it can be hard to know whether to step in or stay out of the way. The most helpful response is not judgment or advice, but simple, supportive actions that help create a space where things can become calmer.
The KIDS framework gives you compassionate, evidence-based ways to support families during challenging moments—without judgment, without making things worse.
Here's what actually works.
The KIDS Framework shows how small, supportive gestures can help during a challenging moment.
Not fixing, not judging, just supporting.
The KIDS Framework:
Four Ways To Help
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When you see a parent struggling with their child in public, here are four compassionate ways to lean in and offer support:
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K: Offer Kindness
Share encouragement or helpful actions like returning a cart, or giving a compliment
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I: Interact Directly
Make a specific offer of support, "Can I carry that for you?" or "It looks like you're having a hard time."
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D: Distract
Create a friendly interruption that gives everyone a chance to reset, like asking the time
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S: Seek Help
When you're not able to stay close or the situation needs more resources, ask for help from others nearby.
What Usually Makes These Moments Worse
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Staring or watching without offering help
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Giving advice or criticism
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Giving a side-eye or a disapproving look
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Raising your voice or using power, control or authority
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Assuming the worst instead of offering compassion
When to Get Extra Help
Some moments are bigger than one person. If a parent signals they want help, or if the situation is becoming overwhelming, widening the circle can help everyone breathe. Support Over Silence is about recognizing when support needs to expand, not taking control.
Why It’s Important to Offer Support
Every caregiver has hard moments in public. What happens next really matters. Support Over Silence gives ordinary people science-backed tools to step forward with compassion instead of judgment or shame. Centered on connection, our approach transforms everyday spaces into places of support, where families can thrive.
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We all have a role to play in supporting families. And it doesn't have to be a grand gesture! Even a few words of support to a caregiver or child can mean a lot. We have heard from so many people – parents and also adults who were mistreated as children – that if just one person would have noticed and acted, it would have made all the difference.
What Keeps People From Helping
Most people want to help, but just don’t know how. Sometimes we don’t feel like it’s our business, or we’re not sure if the situation is “bad enough” to say something. Also, we don’t want to make things worse for the kids, so most of the time we simply walk away, or give a "side eye" of disapproval.​
Common Questions About Helping
Parents in Public
​Q: Should I step in when a parent is struggling in public?
A: Small gestures can reduce stress without interfering, and help a caregiver feel better when things get tense.
Q: What if I make things worse?
A: Most harm comes from judgment or advice. Calm, supportive presence tends to help, not hurt.
Q: Is it my place to help a parent I don’t know?
A: Support Over Silence encourages community care, not correction or surveillance.
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Have more questions about Support Over Silence or the KIDS framework? Visit our full FAQ page.
